Citizens Announce Candidacy for Ohio Congressional Districts 21 and 99
According to the administration’s transparency site several million dollars of stimulus funds have been spent in 28 of Ohio’s 18 Federal Congressional districts. In fact, there have been over 400 Federal Congressional districts created or saved by this site nationwide. If conservatives are able to win these seats in midterm elections the conservatives and the administration will both be considered successful –jobs will be created via Representatives and staff and the House will return to conservative control. Citizens in district 00 in New Hampshire and district 00 in Kentucky have already announced candidacy for Federal Representative. The Cincinnati Tea Party and The Cincinnati 9/12 Project have recently learned of two candidates in Ohio.
In an effort to assure fiscal responsibility for funds spent in District 99, Cincinnati Tea Party’s Harald Zieger, has announced his candidacy. Article X of the Constitution authorizes resident aliens to represent districts receiving more than a million dollars in stimulus funds. Meanwhile Cincinnati 9/12 Project’s Matthew Burke has announced his candidacy for District 21. Article IX of the Constitution authorizes minors to represent districts created or saved by the administration provided they have parental consent. Finally, I understand that Saul Alinsky is considering running for District 85 to represent the post-elderly population. He used to say “It is never too late to be involved in politics.” At the time of posting this article, the Chicago Template, has effectively saved and created voters for this underrepresented constituency.
It is important to understand our founding documents to protect them. Although I am confident readers understand this is a satirical commentary on lack of fiscal responsibility, statistical dishonesty with ‘created or saved,’ and amnesty; I am not confident all readers are comfortable with the full founding document (e.g. there are 7 articles in the Constitution, the above referenced 8 and 9 are fictitious).
Sources:
Cincinnati Enquirer [Ohio District 21 & 56]
Cincinnati Examiner [Ohio Districts x 10]
Instapundit [Kentucky District 00]
Now Hampshire [New Hampshire District 00]
Founding Documents:
The Constitution of the United States of America
The Declaration of Independence of the United States of America
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I am preparing to announce my candidacy for Arizona-23.
My slogan for Arizona-23 should carry me over the top:
Arizona-23…the Best Congressional District Imaginable!
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Justrand,
not sure if it was intentional on your part, but your invocation of Anselm’s Ontological Argument has had me cracking up in laughter the past few minutes. Well done!
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Very good, especially the reference to the post-elderly population, the second largest voting bloc in Chicago and several other major urban centers. The largest bloc being NFL and NBA players residing at fictitious addresses.
You should review your Roman numeral notation though. IX = 9 and X = 10. VIII = 8.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:17 pm
[...] See original here: Citizens Announce Candidacy for Ohio Congressional Districts 21 … [...]
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:18 pm
you shouldn’t have identified this as satire. The credulous mainstream press would have picked up the story as truth and spun it as a right-wing plot.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I already announced my candidacy for Oklahoma’s 25th congressional district via twitter on november 19th! We still need candidates for the 99th district though!
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
[...] the Cincinnati Tea Party: Citizens Announce Candidacy for Ohio Congressional Districts 21 and [...]
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:59 am
[...] Here is the original post: Citizens Announce Candidacy for Ohio Congressional Districts 21 … [...]
November 23rd, 2009 at 6:28 am
[...] is growing. Two new candidates for Ohio’s phantom Congressional Districts, according to Cincinnati Tea Party. In an effort to assure fiscal responsibility for funds spent in District 99, Cincinnati Tea [...]
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:15 am
Let me take a guess. Running as REPUBLICANS?
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 am
An immigrant, a minor, and a dead guy … I heard that ACORN is working on a DNC endorsement.
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:35 am
“This is funny. People like it. Maybe they [people] will understand that congress acted stupidly?”
- Matt
“I’m his mom and I approve this message”
- Mom
November 23rd, 2009 at 2:14 pm
You missed the mark with this one. Just like every news outlet has already reported: if you look at the details of the projects, you get a real address that can be looked up to find a real congressional district.
There is obviously some issue with how the district was recorded, separate from the address, but the businesses and the addresses are all real.
In my opinion, it is a rather minor user-interface flub when compared with the amount of real identity theft and loss that occurs every year due to the incompetence of the private credit and retail enterprises in this country.
If you seriously are going to use this to justify that “government can’t do anything right”, they none of you have any business driving over bridges, driving cars (period, as every mainstream auto manufacturer has had numerous fatality-related recalls), using laptop computers or cell phones (due to bottom-dollar batteries suddenly exploding into flames), using any petroleum product, going to any university in the US (which most, until recently, posted social security numbers within easy reach), the list goes on, and on, and on…
Yeah, it is kind of funny to think about “creating districts out of thin air”, but let’s get serious (you are in the business of serious debate right?): The recovery.org website (or any part of the federal government, for that matter) has no legally binding ability to actually create districts out of thin air.
So yeah, laugh about it, but for all the criticism of government agencies that is happening here, the private market has a much worse track record of doing things “correctly”. The difference is that the private market can sign people to contracts of silence in exchange for money, while the federal government cannot. You’ll get to hear all about the federal government’s screw-ups, but if you work high enough at a company to see how screwed up they are, you stand to sacrifice retirement/pension benefits from letting that information out.
November 24th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Slogan Ideas
District Created; Money Saved
Saved or Created with you in mind
District 99 – Imagine The possibilites
Mmm mmm mmm District 99
November 30th, 2009 at 9:51 am
I love Matt Burke’s Website
http://districtscreated.org